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The Journey of Transformation

Resilience

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Resilience

[cap­tion id=“attachment_376” align=“aligncenter” width=“300”]clouds, trees, sunshine Sun shin­ing through[/caption]

FROM: Dic​tio​nary​.com

RESILIENCE

1. The power or abil­ity to return to the orig­i­nal form, posi­tion, etc., after being bent, com­pressed, or stretched; elasticity.

2. The abil­ity to recover read­ily from ill­ness, depres­sion, adver­sity, or the like; buoyancy.

LESSONS LEARNED

Feel the feel­ings as they happen

Think about what you need and ask for it

Let go of self-​judgment and know that it REALLY IS HARD

Let go of resent­ments and find accep­tance of the past

Learn all you can about what you’re deal­ing with

If you screw up, apol­o­gize and try not to do it again

Live in the present moment

Resilience relates to inter­nal strength and flex­i­bil­ity; know­ing your­self, what you feel, what you need; hav­ing the abil­ity to let go and move on.

If I were to rank the four Rs that I depend upon, I would say resilience is the most vital. With­out resilience, we are the tall, straight tree whose top snaps off when loaded down with ice. There is no “bounce-​back.” We need to be more like the wil­low, which has enor­mous abil­ity to flex and bend.

I believe we develop resilience by under­stand­ing our­selves and strength­en­ing our inner resources. Fac­ing hard truths is fun­da­men­tal to self-​awareness. Bar­ri­ers to per­sonal growth are like the flot­sam and jet­sam in a small river that block the easy flow of the cur­rent. One downed tree, filled with branches and twigs, can really stop up a stream. Lots more branch­lets, leaves and debris get caught up in the tree and the cur­rent has to fight to find a path. To get the water flow­ing eas­ily again, mov­ing or remov­ing that tree is essen­tial. Nam­ing the bar­ri­ers is the first step to remov­ing them.

BAR­RI­ERS TO GROWTH

  • DENIAL
    • o One of the biggest blocks to wis­dom is denial. The sim­plest descrip­tions of denial are “to declare that some­thing is not true” and “to refuse to acknowl­edge.” Refus­ing to acknowl­edge that there is some­thing we could do dif­fer­ently is where it shows up in our per­sonal lives most fre­quently. Most of us would like it bet­ter to have some­one else change some­thing, than for us to change.
  • DEFEN­SIVE­NESS
    • Putting up a defen­sive wall to avoid see­ing the real­ity of our short­com­ings gets us nowhere. The early morn­ing light of aware­ness, shin­ing through the crack in the cur­tains of our self-​protection is the begin­ning of wis­dom. Clos­ing the cur­tain keeps us in dark­ness and we fail to see the dawn’s love­li­ness or fully wake up. Some­times the aware­ness comes when we get a reac­tion to our behav­iors — some­one gets upset with us and a glim­mer shines through that gets our atten­tion — “Whoa, what did I do? Did I mean it? Do I regret it? What is up with me?” Defen­sive­ness might mean that we quickly tell our­selves that it wasn’t our fault, but the other guy’s. It might mean we ignore the feel­ings of guilt and plow on through, feel­ing jus­ti­fied and self-​righteous; that “I have a right to act this way because they were wrong,” or some such rationalization.
  • SELF-​PITY
  • EMO­TIONAL NUMBING

THINK­ING TRAPS/​FAULTY BELIEFS

  • PER­SON­AL­IZA­TION
  • BLAME/​RESENTMENT

NON-​ASSERTIVENESS

  • PAS­SIV­ITY
  • AGGRES­SION
  • PASSIVE-​AGGRESSION

CORE ISSUES

  • SHAME
  • FEAR
  • RAGE

SKILLS TO ENHANCE RESILIENCE

  • Assertive­ness and Boundary-​Setting
  • Tak­ing appro­pri­ate responsibility
  • Emo­tional intelligence
  • Com­mu­ni­ca­tion
  • Chal­leng­ing faulty thinking
  • Relax­ation, self-​soothing, meditation

clouds, trees, sunshine

Sun shining through

 

 

FROM:  Dictionary.com

RESILIENCE

1. The power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched; elasticity.

2. The ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyancy.

 

LESSONS LEARNED

Feel the feelings as they happen

Think about what you need and ask for it

Let go of self-judgment and know that it REALLY IS HARD

Let go of resentments and find acceptance of the past

Learn all you can about what you’re dealing with

If you screw up, apologize and try not to do it again

Live in the present moment

 

 

 

Resilience relates to internal strength and flexibility; knowing yourself, what you feel, what you need; having the ability to let go and move on.

 

If I were to rank the four Rs that I depend upon, I would say resilience is the most vital. Without resilience, we are the tall, straight tree whose top snaps off when loaded down with ice. There is no “bounce-back.” We need to be more like the willow, which has enormous ability to flex and bend.

 

I believe we develop resilience by understanding ourselves and strengthening our inner resources. Facing hard truths is fundamental to self-awareness. Barriers to personal growth are like the flotsam and jetsam in a small river that block the easy flow of the current. One downed tree, filled with branches and twigs, can really stop up a stream. Lots more branchlets, leaves and debris get caught up in the tree and the current has to fight to find a path. To get the water flowing easily again, moving or removing that tree is essential. Naming the barriers is the first step to removing them.

 

 

BARRIERS TO GROWTH

  • DENIAL
    • o   One of the biggest blocks to wisdom is denial. The simplest descriptions of denial are “to declare that something is not true” and “to refuse to acknowledge.” Refusing to acknowledge that there is something we could do differently is where it shows up in our personal lives most frequently. Most of us would like it better to have someone else change something, than for us to change.
  • DEFENSIVENESS
    •    Putting up a defensive wall to avoid seeing the reality of our shortcomings gets us nowhere. The early morning light of awareness, shining through the crack in the curtains of our self-protection is the beginning of wisdom. Closing the curtain keeps us in darkness and we fail to see the dawn’s loveliness or fully wake up. Sometimes the awareness comes when we get a reaction to our behaviors—someone gets upset with us and a glimmer shines through that gets our attention—“Whoa, what did I do? Did I mean it? Do I regret it? What is up with me?” Defensiveness might mean that we quickly tell ourselves that it wasn’t our fault, but the other guy’s. It might mean we ignore the feelings of guilt and plow on through, feeling justified and self-righteous; that “I have a right to act this way because they were wrong,” or some such rationalization.
  • SELF-PITY
  • EMOTIONAL NUMBING

 

THINKING TRAPS/FAULTY BELIEFS

  • PERSONALIZATION
  • BLAME/RESENTMENT

NON-ASSERTIVENESS

  • PASSIVITY
  • AGGRESSION
  • PASSIVE-AGGRESSION

CORE ISSUES

  • SHAME
  • FEAR
  • RAGE

SKILLS TO ENHANCE RESILIENCE

  • Assertiveness and Boundary-Setting
  • Taking appropriate responsibility
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Communication
  • Challenging faulty thinking
  • Relaxation, self-soothing, meditation

 

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