1. The power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched; elasticity.
2. The ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyancy.
Feel the feelings as they happen
Think about what you need and ask for it
Let go of self-judgment and know that it REALLY IS HARD
Let go of resentments and find acceptance of the past
Learn all you can about what you’re dealing with
If you screw up, apologize and try not to do it again
Live in the present moment
Resilience relates to internal strength and flexibility; knowing yourself, what you feel, what you need; having the ability to let go and move on.
If I were to rank the four Rs that I depend upon, I would say resilience is the most vital. Without resilience, we are the tall, straight tree whose top snaps off when loaded down with ice. There is no “bounce-back.” We need to be more like the willow, which has enormous ability to flex and bend.
I believe we develop resilience by understanding ourselves and strengthening our inner resources. Facing hard truths is fundamental to self-awareness. Barriers to personal growth are like the flotsam and jetsam in a small river that block the easy flow of the current. One downed tree, filled with branches and twigs, can really stop up a stream. Lots more branchlets, leaves and debris get caught up in the tree and the current has to fight to find a path. To get the water flowing easily again, moving or removing that tree is essential. Naming the barriers is the first step to removing them.
BARRIERS TO GROWTH
- o One of the biggest blocks to wisdom is denial. The simplest descriptions of denial are “to declare that something is not true” and “to refuse to acknowledge.” Refusing to acknowledge that there is something we could do differently is where it shows up in our personal lives most frequently. Most of us would like it better to have someone else change something, than for us to change.
- Putting up a defensive wall to avoid seeing the reality of our shortcomings gets us nowhere. The early morning light of awareness, shining through the crack in the curtains of our self-protection is the beginning of wisdom. Closing the curtain keeps us in darkness and we fail to see the dawn’s loveliness or fully wake up. Sometimes the awareness comes when we get a reaction to our behaviors—someone gets upset with us and a glimmer shines through that gets our attention—“Whoa, what did I do? Did I mean it? Do I regret it? What is up with me?” Defensiveness might mean that we quickly tell ourselves that it wasn’t our fault, but the other guy’s. It might mean we ignore the feelings of guilt and plow on through, feeling justified and self-righteous; that “I have a right to act this way because they were wrong,” or some such rationalization.
- EMOTIONAL NUMBING
THINKING TRAPS/FAULTY BELIEFS
SKILLS TO ENHANCE RESILIENCE
- Assertiveness and Boundary-Setting
- Taking appropriate responsibility
- Emotional intelligence
- Challenging faulty thinking
- Relaxation, self-soothing, meditation